Can men and women be just friends without complications?
By Christine Chacha.
Is it me or has the concept of friendship eluded most people? Being nice or chatty to someone for the sake of wanting to make a friend is so often misconstrued that I have given up on trying to make friends with the opposite sex.
You see, I recently moved to a new town. As you can imagine this is hard enough and trying to make new friends even harder. So I met this guy and somehow we seemed to click, we shared similar interests and happened to be in the same field of work. We both had passion for music, liked probing the philosophical and theological facets of life, love for natural beauty, and good conversation.
More than friends
Unfortunately this ‘perfect’ friendship suddenly changed. He obviously wanted us to be more than friends, and I was naïve to think we were on the same script. He started distancing himself from me and disappeared all together. What a waste to a great friendship! Why do men always have to complicate things with feelings?
I found myself pondering an age-old question; Can men and women just be friends? People often say that men and women can’t be friends. Or they say that men and women can only be friends if they are not attracted to each other.
I even heard it said recently that men and women can never be friends because men are only friends with women who they want to sleep with, and either the friendship will end because she is not interested, or because it will turn into a romantic relationship.
It appears to be that men and women can’t be platonic friends - backed up by confessions I got from women who have had male friends. It is an issue we will never be able to resolve that we’ll never find a real ‘answer’ to, but instead use our experiences as advice for the future.
Is it a joke?
I have so many male friends. I always seem to connect more with men than I do with women. If you ask me both genders can truly just be friends. My mother on the other hand believes that friendship between a man and a woman is a joke, she always asks me if am dating or have dated all my male friends.
According to her in most cases women pull the naïve card and don’t realize when a male friend is interested in them. “A man will only befriend a woman with the hope that the friendship will turn into something else,” she says.
There was a TV programme on the issue of male-female friendship and the men's response was almost the same. Answers varied from, “I only want to be friends with a girl because I’m attracted to her, I am hoping to be more than friends, to “I can only be friends with a woman if she is ugly and there is no attraction.”
I was startled. It made me look at all of my male friendships and wonder if there really was an ulterior motive behind the ‘friendship’. I would never even imagine having feelings for my male pals and I suddenly became very conscious that my actions of friendliness and being comfortable with them, may have led them into believing something was possible. Now I have to think before I say or do anything, just in case I might be subconsciously be leading them on or sending the wrong message.
We certainly agree that friendship is the best and truest means of developing a love relationship between a man and a woman, but if the friendship is deep and real, it can survive. I can’t think of any of my male pals who did not at one time express romantic inclinations, but we were able to get past it ultimately after setting the record straight.
Hooked after friendship
One movie that explores the complexities of male-female friendship is when Harry met Sally. In the movie Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal play Sally and Harry respectively, the film raises the question “Can men and women ever just be friends?” Although their friendship lasts for years; they ultimately hook up and eventually get married proving that a platonic friendship between a man and a woman is impossible.
I’m still adamant that men and women can be just friends, and those who think that it is impossible are unable to draw boundaries and control their feelings. You have to both want the same things and be clear from the word go that all you want is friendship and nothing more. Harry and Sally were NEVER “just friends’ and they knew it all along; they just tailed along hoping the other one would realize this.
Platonic friendships are a sought-after ideal, almost as much sought-after as the perfect romantic relationship. Platonic friendships are a real hassle but it does not mean they are not possible.
chaxtine@yahoo.com
Is it me or has the concept of friendship eluded most people? Being nice or chatty to someone for the sake of wanting to make a friend is so often misconstrued that I have given up on trying to make friends with the opposite sex.
You see, I recently moved to a new town. As you can imagine this is hard enough and trying to make new friends even harder. So I met this guy and somehow we seemed to click, we shared similar interests and happened to be in the same field of work. We both had passion for music, liked probing the philosophical and theological facets of life, love for natural beauty, and good conversation.
More than friends
Unfortunately this ‘perfect’ friendship suddenly changed. He obviously wanted us to be more than friends, and I was naïve to think we were on the same script. He started distancing himself from me and disappeared all together. What a waste to a great friendship! Why do men always have to complicate things with feelings?
I found myself pondering an age-old question; Can men and women just be friends? People often say that men and women can’t be friends. Or they say that men and women can only be friends if they are not attracted to each other.
I even heard it said recently that men and women can never be friends because men are only friends with women who they want to sleep with, and either the friendship will end because she is not interested, or because it will turn into a romantic relationship.
It appears to be that men and women can’t be platonic friends - backed up by confessions I got from women who have had male friends. It is an issue we will never be able to resolve that we’ll never find a real ‘answer’ to, but instead use our experiences as advice for the future.
Is it a joke?
I have so many male friends. I always seem to connect more with men than I do with women. If you ask me both genders can truly just be friends. My mother on the other hand believes that friendship between a man and a woman is a joke, she always asks me if am dating or have dated all my male friends.
According to her in most cases women pull the naïve card and don’t realize when a male friend is interested in them. “A man will only befriend a woman with the hope that the friendship will turn into something else,” she says.
There was a TV programme on the issue of male-female friendship and the men's response was almost the same. Answers varied from, “I only want to be friends with a girl because I’m attracted to her, I am hoping to be more than friends, to “I can only be friends with a woman if she is ugly and there is no attraction.”
I was startled. It made me look at all of my male friendships and wonder if there really was an ulterior motive behind the ‘friendship’. I would never even imagine having feelings for my male pals and I suddenly became very conscious that my actions of friendliness and being comfortable with them, may have led them into believing something was possible. Now I have to think before I say or do anything, just in case I might be subconsciously be leading them on or sending the wrong message.
We certainly agree that friendship is the best and truest means of developing a love relationship between a man and a woman, but if the friendship is deep and real, it can survive. I can’t think of any of my male pals who did not at one time express romantic inclinations, but we were able to get past it ultimately after setting the record straight.
Hooked after friendship
One movie that explores the complexities of male-female friendship is when Harry met Sally. In the movie Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal play Sally and Harry respectively, the film raises the question “Can men and women ever just be friends?” Although their friendship lasts for years; they ultimately hook up and eventually get married proving that a platonic friendship between a man and a woman is impossible.
I’m still adamant that men and women can be just friends, and those who think that it is impossible are unable to draw boundaries and control their feelings. You have to both want the same things and be clear from the word go that all you want is friendship and nothing more. Harry and Sally were NEVER “just friends’ and they knew it all along; they just tailed along hoping the other one would realize this.
Platonic friendships are a sought-after ideal, almost as much sought-after as the perfect romantic relationship. Platonic friendships are a real hassle but it does not mean they are not possible.
chaxtine@yahoo.com
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