The girl you marry was the wrong number years earlier

I've heard a lot of guys referring to girls they are dating in many ways but none has ever struck a raw nerve as the one I heard recently. 

I actually didn’t know how to react. Have you ever wondered why men rarely marry women they date for years?  You date a guy all the way through campus, see him through the roughest times of his life and stick with him when the world is against him, then he suddenly dumps you only to marry a bimbo he met three months ago?

As disturbing as it sounds, we all agree that in most cases, men never marry those they date, and if they do, the marriage will never be a smooth ride.

I set out to find out why this is the case and the answers I got shocked rather than enlightened me.Apparently, men place all the girls they date in three categories. For every man, there is the girl to marry, the girl to date and the girl to sleep with.While we all desire to be in the first category, it all depends on the character you exhibit to him, but depending on the descriptions, you can decide whether you are dateable, marriageable or just good for sex.

Girls to date

The girls to date are the partying type, they like to go out, have fun, they tease, they're not looking for a "relationship," but they're also not looking for a "hookup.” 

The girls to sleep with: 
The name summarises it all. These are interested in predominantly no commitment, no real attachment, just casual sex, temporary companionship and a one night stand. They are the women who are comfortable with a friends with benefits arrangement, one night stand and feel jack about it. They don't want to deal with men, other than for a couple of hours...if you get my drift. 

Girls to marry

These are the best type, unfortunately hard to come by. They are fun, faithful, honest, non partying, non bar goers, responsible, hard working, beautiful, independent, want to be in love and to be loved. They are ready to settle down.

While this categorisation seems to make sense to men, personally I see no sense in it.  My world view says that we go through many stages in life. It doesn’t take rocket science to see that these three types of women are basically the same only going through  different phases of life.  

Most women in the ‘girl to date’ category are mostly in their mid 20s, they are just newcomers in the dating world and trying to discover what it is all about.  ‘The girl to sleep with’ is in her early 20s, she is a sexplorer seeking to undestanding sex or it could be a woman in her late 20s who has seen it all.  She feels sexually emancipated, she is free to do anything without regrets. 

‘The girl to marry’ is a woman who is anything but immaculate.  She spent her early 20s living it up, being shagged by every Tom and Dick. Now in her late 20s or 30s, she is turning a new leaf and is looking for a husband. She has changed all her friends, uses her middle name so that her former identity doesn’t get discovered, joined a conservative church and is practicing secondary virginity. 

You ever wonder where all the fun and slutty women end up? 
Well, now you know; they all turn a new leaf and they do get married because as much as men would like to dismiss the first two types, they eventually turn into the third type.

Many women who would normally fall under the category of "the marrying girl" are dating men who consider them ‘girls to sleep with’ because they (the girl) have not made it clear exactly what they want in the relationship.A mature relationship, as I understand, is where both parties  know exactly what they want or expect out of the relationship.

You may date, go out and have fun till the right one comes along. This doesn't make you a freak or bad person,  but that you've created a type of relationship that works best for you based on your interests  because after all,  whether you’re the girl he marries, dates, or just sleeps with, at the end, we all agree that one man's trash is another man's treasure.

chaxtine@yahoo.com