Are you good enough to marry, to date or just to sleep with?

By Christine Chacha

I've heard a lot of guys refer to the girls they are dating in so many ways but none has ever struck a raw nerve as one I heard over the week. I actually don’t know whether to be sad or just angry. Have you ever wondered why men rarely marry the women they date for year?  You date a guy all the way through campus, see him through the roughest times of his life and stick with him when the world is against him then he suddenly dumps you only to marry a bimbo he just met 3 months ago?

As disturbing as it sounds we all agree that most cases men never marry the women they date and if they do, the marriage is never a smooth ride. I set out to find out why this is the case and the answers I got from the men I asked shocked rather than enlighten me. Apparently men place all the girls they date in 3 categories which determine her future in their life. For every man, there is the girl to marry, the girl to date and the girl to sleep with.

While we all desire to be in the first category, it all depends on the character that you exhibit to the guy but depending on the descriptions you can decide whether you are dateable, marriageable or just good for sex.

The girls to date are they're the partying type, they like to go out, have fun, they tease, they're not looking for a "relationship", but they're also not looking for a "hook up" or whatever. The girls to sleep with: The name summarizes it all. These types are interested in predominantly no commitment, no real attachment, just casual sex, temporary companionship and a one night stand. They are the women who are comfortable with a friends with benefits arrangement, one night stands and will feel jack about it. They don't want to deal with men, other than for a couple of hours...if you get my drift. The girls to marry: These are the best type unfortunately hard to come by. They are fun, faithful, honest, non partying, non club going, non bar going, good girls, responsible, hard working, beautiful, independent, looking to be in love and to be loved. They are the ready to settle down good girls who want a family.

While this categorization of women seems to make sense to the men personally I see no sense in it at all, My world view says that we go through many stages and down many roads in life. It doesn’t take rocket science to see that these 3 types of women are basically the same girl going through  different phases of life .It actually depends on what stage the woman is when the man met her.

Most women in the ‘girl to date’ category are mostly in their mid 20’s, they are just newcomers in the dating world and trying to discover what it is all about, the girls to sleep with are either the girls in her early 20’s she is a sexplorer looking for an undestanding of sex or it could be a woman in her late 20’s she has seen it all, she feels sexually emancipated, she is free to do anything without regrets. ‘The girl to marry’ is the woman who is anything but immaculate, she spent her early 20s living it up, being shagged by every Tom, Dick and Harry. Now in her late 20s/ early 30s she is turning a new leaf and is looking for a husband. She has changed all her friends, uses her middle name so that her former identity doesn’t get discovered, joined a conservative church and is practicing secondary virginity. You ever wonder where all the fun and slutty women end up ? Well now you know; they all turn a new leaf and they do get married because as much as men would like to dismiss the first two types of women, they eventually turn into the third type; the girls someone married.

I'm no expert on dating and relationships, and there is so much written and preached about it that to me it's almost a science by itself, but as far as I know,(at least this is what I believe), You know what type of relationship a person is interested in based on what they communicate to you. Many women who would normally fall under the category of "the marrying girl" are dating men who consider them ‘girls to sleep with’ because they (the girl) have not made it clear exactly what they want in the relationship.

A mature relationship, as i undrestand it is where both parties  know exactly what they want or expect out of the relationship  and neither parties has any other motives or expectations beyond whatever “arrangements" are agreed upon. You may date, go out and have fun till the right one comes along. This doesn't make you a freak or bad person  but that you've created a type of relationship that works best for you based on your interests  because after all  whether you’re the girl he marries, dates, or just sleeps with in the end we all agree that One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Chaxtine@yahoo.com