financial infidelity

By Christine Chacha

“His money is our money but my money is mine alone,”  is probably the one commandment that most women live by and those who don’t have paid a big price for it. Relationships have changed but this one remains unwavering to this wind of change. I have gathered knowledge about dating from peoples experiences, observation and reading and I can tell you that the issue of finance in a relationship is always a timebomb waiting to explode.

While growing up, I knew this woman who used to the estate celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Every now and then the auctioneers would come to her house and take all her furniture sometimes they would throw her out. Despite the fact that she was a nurse in a reputable hospital and earned enough this happened over and over again. She would come home and find her things all over but all she did was call her husband and tell him what happened. I always though she was the most stingy women I knew because she probably earned enough to pay the rent and makes ends meet for her family but she chose to rely on her struggling business man of a husband. I used to pity the man who paid the rent and school fees with his meagre income while the women used hers to buy a car, clothes, make-up and look pretty. But somehow despite all this they were a happy family and ene now they are still together.

I never really got to understand her behavior till I came of age and went to talk to her. Here i adviced how to deal with men. “There are things in life that are a man’s responsibility” she said to me. According to her, a man has to do some things in a relationship regardless of his economic status. She believes that a man should provide for basic needs of the family; pay the rent, take the kids to school, feed them and all. The woman only comes in to complement his efforts or help when he really can not.

Like other mysteries that surround the female species, men have always wondered what women do with their money.If a man provides all the basic needs then where do women take their paychecks? We certainly spend it on clothes, shoes, handbags, cosmetics and all but majority of it goes to saving.Despite the fact that there may be a  ring on the finger, there is always uncertainity in relationships.Men are like chameleons they change depending on the environment.Feminine instincts demand that woman be prepared for such time, the assurance off knowing that you can provide for your children should your husband take a hike.So men need not be offended if their woman have secret bank accounts or hide their earnings, its for the good of all.

Nowadays women are financially independent; they can take care of themselves, shoulder family responsibilities and basically do anything. The fact is that unlike in the old days women do not need men to take care of them. While I celebrate this, I believe it has its own advantages and disadvantages especially when relationships are concerned. While we embrace the independent woman spirit, I feel it is making men take advantage of women.

How many men do you know who are living off a woman’s finances? It is not a strange sight to see financially capable women supporting a man one can consider good for nothing. Its like the roles are reversing; men are the new gold diggers. Although I despise such men, I blame the women for it. Once you show a man that you can take care of yourself he backs off and takes a back seat letting you do all the work. Soon you will be the 'man' in the relationship while he takes his money to a mistress somewhere who probably needs it more.Women should let men be men, let him struggle to provide or his family and chip in only when he is unable to.

This was clearly dawned on me the other day when my pal told me of the most embarrassing moment of her life the other day while on a date. A guy asked her out, took her to a high class restaurant in the city where they had a good time. To her surprise, when the bill comes the guy takes his wallet and removes half the amount then passes it to her, shocked she asks him what’s wrong. He says since they both ate she should pay half yet she had not carried cash you do not want to know what happened.What is the point of a man taking you out on date if you are going to split the bill? This audacity of some men is very appaling.
Have a good day though.....

chaxtine@yahoo.com